He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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