Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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