Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
