Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
