Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just found puke in my bra..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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