last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
