I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
