Your tits are I can't wait for
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize