i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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