I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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