theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
