using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
