reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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