32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
