Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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