Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
