New low: just hacked my moms facebook
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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