Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
