I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
