I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
