just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
