Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
