i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
