she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
