Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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