The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
