got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
