if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
