I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
