I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize