Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
