Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize