I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
