dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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