that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
