soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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