my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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