I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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