Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize