I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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