I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
