at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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