i already hear my dad disowning me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
