I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
