i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
