Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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