She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
