Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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