see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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