my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
