Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
