just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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