That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
