i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
