you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
