So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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