I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
