walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
