Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
