i was born a porn star she said
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
