try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize