Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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