well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The cops high fived after they tackled you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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