I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i used baking grease as lip gloss
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
