i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
