This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
