Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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