can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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