I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
