I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
