i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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