I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
