I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
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