how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
