Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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