he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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