Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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