I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
