My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
