just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
