My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
