It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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